When Diane asked me to do the liturgy I inquired about the sermon topic, I was astonished to hear ”Surprised by Grace”. You see God’s Grace has been a concept, idea, characteristic that I’d been reading about and exploring recently in my own life. And as you know, the more we find out about most any subject, the more we realize how much we do not know. God’s Grace is so encompassing I’ve only been able to scratch the surface for myself.
I believe we sometimes are more able to experience and recognize God’s grace during times of crisis and need. But we are often inclined to overlook God’s grace during the daily routine in and outs of life. But its there, we just need acknowledge it.
George and I have a story but it is more about God’s grace than about us. It is our story, not our daughter’s story (she has her own) but I did get her permission to tell our story of God’s grace to us.
Our daughter is a lesbian. There I said it!. Thank you for being a safe environment where I can say it. But this is about her parents and how we see and accept her. I will certainly have to tell you some of the great things about her later but for now---------
You need a little background so you can more fully understand how sufficient God’s grace truly is. We both grew up in very traditional southern families. I am the youngest of 7 while George is an only child. Our fathers were men of principle and integrity. We had the most gracious, genteel southern ladies for mothers that you can imagine. Mine was a real “Steel Magnolia” who allowed my dad to think he was in charge through their entire married life. She did it with such gentleness and grace he never suspected a thing. Actually she must have been a master at psychology. But the culture required it. I will credit my mother with instilling in me any redeeming qualities I might have. We come from conservative environments, where literally gay meant happy!!
Often we have to look back to see God’s grace. We know now for a certainty of God’s attention to our future needs when we left the south to make our home in the Midwest when our girls were very young. We know our Kathrine could not have grown into a self-actualized, whole person in a more repressive, unaccepting society.
I think I can say with almost certainty no parent as they ponder their child’s future says, I hope they’ll be homosexual. We wanted our girls to be independent, contributors to society, creative, spiritual but nowhere did it ever enter our minds to think about this issue.
God’s grace was definitely in Kathrine’s timing for revealing her sexuality to us. She was already defined by so many wonderful attributes that we were able to see this as only one part of her. Once during her college career, I was able to verbalize the possibility that she might be gay. But we both said no, of course not, she had boyfriends. To that she now says, DAH, mother I knew how to play the game to survive in a suburban high school.
God’s grace assures us we did not do this to her. God created her and since he did, we know he does not reject her. So we have not spent needless energy on guilt trips. She knew very early in her life (long before she could identify sexuality) that she was different. Therefore she lived expectantly—expecting us to tell her she was adopted. This was the only way she could explain as a child how she could be different from the rest of the family.
I do regret that she may have suffered some anxiety over her decision to come out to us. She wrote a very beautiful letter and was obviously apprehensive about our reaction. I vividly recall, not being able to get to the phone fast enough to alleviate her worries. We were able to assure her of our love and support. We did not think she needed fixing, as nothing was broken.
There are times when I want to tell everybody (friends, family, strangers) that our daughter is gay and we are so proud of her just the way she is. But since her identify is so much more, I must let her make those revelations. See, I want everybody to know that we know and she has our love and support just like our straight daughter, who by the way is here today. I must say how proud we are of the wonderful woman, wife and mother that she is. And thanks for choosing the prince from among all the frogs. We love Steve. Her support of her sister is such a delight for us. God’s grace, let her find an article about Judson, and that’s why we’re here today.
You must know, coming from our background, and believe me George is a genuine good ole boy in every good connotation, that only God’s grace has allowed us to travel so far on the continuum of acceptance. We give Him thanks for this and pray that his grace may be shown through us to others.
I said I’d tell you a little about Kathrine. She worked for 10 years with mentally challenged, mentally ill women. She started out in direct client care and you know what that entails. As her mother I was amazed and awed by the work she did. She returned to school to earn a Masters Degree in Special Education. She now teaches in a school that Diane mentioned recently in a sermon. She related how two women raised money for the music program, which is so admirable. But I was like a student in the congregation, sitting on my hands to keep from getting Diane’s attention and saying but Kathrine is at Maxfield eight hours a day five days a week. We know she’s making a difference in children’s lives. She has a great sense of humor that is a delight in the family. And you’ll indulge me as I share one of the greatest gifts we ever received: a poem she wrote and gave to us for Christmas.
I have an appreciation
For a deep blue sky
Never did I reach for my mother
That she wasn’t there
Never did I ask my father Please
And he refuse
Their love for each other
Gave me all that I have
It lit the fire that burns inside me
Keeping me warm when I am alone
It taught me that it is better to be
Than to seem
It gave me sympathy
And taught me to have it as well
It gave me wings
And stepped back clapping
When I finally flew on my own
My prayer is for you to seek and find God’s grace in the smallest and largest events of your lives.